Found
by tinymarauder
Summary: Tosh thinks about her importance to the team and isn't happy at what she finds.  Who will be there to save her?


Hey its me again. Owen and Tosh have always bugged me. I've always wanted them to get together but I wanted it to be somewhat believable. This is what I ended up with. Tell me what you think. R&R please!

Found

Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood. Seriously I don't. If I did Tosh and Owen would have gotten together a very, very, very long time ago. Like right in the beginning. Apparently Russell Davies, and Chris Chibnall don't agree with me.

Tosh sat on one of the couches in the Hub staring blankly ahead of her. She had a coffee that had long since turned cold clutched in her hands, but she didn't seem to notice. She knew vaguely she had some computer program she should be working on, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

She watched as the team interacted with each other. Laughed, joked and picked on each other. It was all so light and easy. It was obvious they were good friends. And here she sat on the outside looking in. Never really part of the group. She was the much needed techi, only an important member of the group as far as the business aspect went, not the friendship. Gwen smacked Jack playfully as Ianto looked a little jealous and Owen guffawed. No one noticed she wasn't there. No one glanced around with a troubled look on their face before asking "Has anyone seen Tosh?" No. That had never happened.

She sat in her corner and watched them say their good-byes one by one. Gwen pecked the men on the cheek and waved gaily as she told them she was going out with Reese. She watched Owen give a wave and receive a clap on the back from Jack before grabbing his coat and taking off as well. Last to go were Jack and Ianto. She as unsurprised as they grabbed their coats and talking about going out for dinner as they walked out. She felt a dagger slice through her chest as Jack shut off all the lights on his way out. Even he did not realize she had not gone.

She sat alone in the dark, frozen as she was assaulted by the pain that had been building up for the last couple of months. Ever since she had found out the team had all gone out for drinks one night, and hadn't even thought to invite her. She couldn't take it anymore.

Stiffly she got up and walked as if in a trance. She deposited the cup of coffee, without looking, on her work station as she passed it. She climbed the stairs leading up to the gift shop slowly; it was almost too much to lift one foot and then the other.

When she opened the door leading into the gift shop she took no notice of the December chill biting at her bare legs or seeping through her thin sweater as her eyes traveled over the merchandise, searching for a much needed thing.

And there it was sitting innocently on a shelf, glinting in the moonlight. An envelope opener. She lifted it gently off the shelf and ran her fingertips over the sharp point. Yes this was exactly what she needed. She had started this when she was arrested and placed in prison. Then she had used her food tray. The people manning the cameras either never noticed or didn't care. She had stopped when Jack had come for her, thinking that her life had taken a turn for the better and she no longer needed this. She had been wrong.

She shuffled over to the counter and sank to the floor, her back resting against the counter with her legs splayed out in front of her. She took in the sight of her bare wrists. One thrown carelessly across her lap, one held slightly aloft. They had always looked so fragile to her. When she was younger she used to shiver at the thought of blood, but now she yearned for it. It was the key of her release from this pain. The pain was just too much to take anymore.

She raised the envelope opener to her wrist unmoving on her lap. Slowly she placed the knife against her flesh. She wasn't crazy, she just wanted to let loose the pain. Was that so wrong?

Slowly she ran the knife across her wrist. The blood came spilling out behind her knife, running over her wrist and staining her skirt but she took no notice. Silent tears coursed down her face as she gave a small smile. She waited for a few moments and moved the blade to her already slashed wrists and repeated the process.

Once she had finished she let the envelope opener clatter to the ground. She sat there motionless , her hands laying palm up on her skirt as she watched the blood flow from her displayed wrists. She finally felt the relief she was seeking. She didn't hear the wind howling against the windows on the key enter the lock.

The door of the tiny shop swing open and a rush of cold air blew in bringing with it snowflakes and a cursing man.

"Bloody December." He swore stumbling around. "Where the hell is the light?" As he moved farther he pulled out his cell phone, using it as a light to aid his search. The light shifted back and forth and fell over Tosh's legs.

"What the-?" The man asked confused. The light shifted higher and landed on Tosh's face.

"What the hell Tosh?" Owen shouted. "I thought you were a dead body or something! Who sits in a pitch black shop?" He demanded furiously.

She said nothing, only stared blankly up at him.

"Tosh are you alright?" He asked his voice no longer a shout. "It's freezing in here. Why don't you have a coat?"

Still she said nothing. Here stood the man she had been in love with for so long, waiting for her to speak but she had nothing to say to him. She couldn't even get up the will to move.

"Tosh?" he sounded worried now. He moved closer to her couching down to her level. He touched her cheek and swore again. "You're freezing." He pulled off his jacket and draped it over her. "What the hell are you doing?" He asked her anger back in his voice.

She shifted her gaze down to her wrists. Owen followed her line of sight and his eyes widened in horror. "Oh my-" His medical training kicked in. He scooped her up in his arms and took off as fast as he could towards the medical bay. Tosh hung limply in his arms, unable to summon up the energy to even react.

Owen took the steps two at a time pressing her close to his chest as he ran. He was out of breath by the time he set her down on his examining table. Rushing to his supplies he grabbed some gaze pads and bandages and rushed over again.  
>Tosh watched him work without commenting. She almost felt like laughing at his panicked expression. Didn't he know that it helped her?<p>

Owen gently wrapped the bandages around the gauze pads and moved to the next one. After putting on the pads again he tied the bandage securely around her wound. He placed it softly on her lap and sat for a moment, not looking up, his eyes still trained on the bandages.

"Now." He said softly still not meeting her eyes. "Do you want to tell me what this was?"

Tosh didn't respond. She didn't know what to say. She didn't even feel like it was her who this was happening to. It felt as if she was merely an observer.

"What do you think you were doing?" Owen asked in a whisper, no looking up from her wrists.

"I don't know what you-"

"Cut the crap Tosh. I'm not stupid. I know exactly what those are."

Tosh dropped her gaze, unable to look into his accusing eyes. "I-i-"

Owen took a deep breath, trying to control the furry that had risen up inside him at the sight of the marks. The idea of Tosh putting her life in danger like that- Just the thought of what could have happened if her hand had slipped, or if she went too far, made his blood run cold flooding his heart full of horror. But he knew he was only making things worse. She wasn't even looking at him now. He closed his eyes and reminded himself that she was safe; he had taken care of her, for now. The anger that had filled him turned instead to the emotion he was using it to mask. Misery.

"Tosh look at me." She heard him say softly. Timidly she raised her eyes to meet his. "Oh Tosh, why would you do something like this?" His hands cupped her face and his fingers stroked her cheek gently.

"I have no one." She mumbled quietly, tears welling up in her eyes.

"But that's not true." Owen told her not understanding. "What about the team?"

Tosh knocked his hand roughly away from her face. She stood up, anger coursing through her body. "No! You have the team! I'm not a part of it!" She stormed over to the stairs, her back to Owen. Her shouts echoed off the walls of the autopsy bay and bounced through the empty office. "Nobody sees me as a person! I'm just another computer to them! I don't have feelings or even a life outside this place! I just exist to solve their technical problems!" Her voice choked at the end and she had to stop to keep from sobbing.

"Tosh…" he trailed off.

"You can't even deny it, so don't try." She told him, her voice wavering a bit.

She heard his chair scrape the tiled floor and her mind had just enough time to register the sound of a couple quick steps, before a pair of strong arms tugged her backwards and crushed her against a warm chest.

"Never think you're not important to someone. You're important to me."

Her mind searched for the sound of his usual sarcasm dripping from his words, but found none. She tried to turn to look into his face but when she tried to move his arms tightened around her. Her mind turned wildly, completely shocked by his words.

After Gwen joined the group they had started hanging out less and less. Even after Gwen had chosen Reese, they hadn't picked up where they left off. The only time she had seen Owen in the last few months was in the Hub. It was admittedly where she spent ninety percent of her waking hours, but working with someone didn't count as a friendship. She had believed whatever feelings he had for her had faded into nothing along with their friendship.

She swallowed, getting control of her feelings. "Owen you don't need to do this." She told him trying once more to pull away. "You can leave; go back to Gwen or whoever you're spend your nights with these days." She tried to tell him offhandedly, but the words burned her throat, causing a prickling sensation behind her eyes.

"No, Gwen is a bit of a slut, yes good for some fun like the rest of them, but that's all. Toshiko you're the one I'm in love with!" The confession seemed to take him by surprise. He froze his eyes wide, staring at her.

"I don't need your pity." She told him, her voice colored by disgust. "You don't need to lie to me to make me feel better." She tried to get up but Owen held her in place.

"You think I'm lying?" he asked incredulously.

Tosh glared at him in response.

"Toshiko Sato, listen to me." He commanded softly, his hands still gripping her upper arms. He paused for a moment, trying to decide where to start. "Tosh I'm an asshole." She made a sound of protest but he cut across her. "I know I am." He took a deep breath, not relinquishing his hold on her as if he were afraid that if he let go she would leave.

"When I joined Torchwood it was right after the death of my fiancé. The doctors all believed it was early-onset Alzheimer's. It was like I was slowly losing her. Then one day we found something on a scan, it looked like it was operable. I thought that I would have my Katie back. But I was wrong. When they tried to operate on it, it killed her." Owen stopped for a moment, swallowing back the painful lump in his throat that had formed. "That's how I met Jack and joined up with Torchwood. When I met you Tosh, I was stupid; I thought at first friendship was all I wanted from you. As we grew closer though, it became more and more obvious to me that it wasn't."

"I wasn't lying to you Tosh. I love you. I just- after what happened to Katie- but by trying to ignore it, I thought it was just myself who I was hurting." He sighed heavily. "It's not a secret that since I joined Torchwood I've become a bit of an alcoholic. I was just trying to forget, trying to get you off my mind with the whores I picked up. A ridiculous idea really, anyone who ever met you would know that it wouldn't work. You are not nearly that easy to forget. But it did help a bit, make it manageable. I have been miserable for the past few years, but at least I was doing the right thing….I thought I was doing the right thing." He glanced at her wrists regretfully before he dragged his gaze back to her face. "If I had known this was going on- If I had ever thought that you would consider-"

"Owen." Tosh interrupted him, grabbing his arm, stopping his pacing. He turned to face her, eyes searching her face. "So this whole time- the whole time you felt the same way?" She asked amazing.

Mutely he nodded.

"And you let me go through all of this?" she asked, her voice rising slightly. "You let me look like a lovesick idiot on a number of occasions? Let the whole team pity me for loving you?" She went on angrily. "Let me think I was alone and unloved?"

"Tosh I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't mean for any of it to happen." Heartbroken he started to turn away. "I'm sorry. I'll go. Let me at least get you a cab- or call someone-"  
>Tosh stood up and took his face in her hands, taking him by surprise.<p>

"Owen?"

"Hmm?"

"Shut up." And with that she kissed him. After a moment of shock passed he responded, one arm coming up to tangle in her hair, the other snaking around her waist.

They broke apart only when their lungs screamed for air. Owen leaned in resting his forehead on hers as they breathed deeply.

"You're not angry?" he asked confused, watching her closely.

"A little at first." She admitted. She struggled to elaborate, searching for the right words."But it was like I had this hole in my chest. It just seemed to get larger and larger, that's why I started the… you know. But as you spoke, the hole seemed to shrink. Grow smaller and smaller until I could hardly feel it. The love that you claim to have for me is beyond anything I could have ever dreamed. I'm not lonely anymore."

They stayed like that. Their foreheads resting against the other, lost in each other's eyes. All of a sudden the alarms began going off, and they jumped apart as they heard Jack walked into the Hub.

"Still here?" He asked a little confused, remembering the goodbyes from earlier.

Tosh blushed furiously and hurriedly pulled her sleeves down, hiding her bandages from sight.

"We were just leaving." Owen told him hurriedly, grabbing their coats.

"Night." She squeaked as Owen took her arm and led her from the Hub into the cold street, leaving a grinning Jack in their wake.

"Sssooo, that was a bit awkward." Tosh giggled as Owen helped her into her coat before pulling on his own.

"Just a bit." He agreed, grinning back. They stood for a moment, just looking at each other before Tosh broke silence.

"Wanna split a cab?"

"I'm not trying anything, but I really don't want to leave you alone right now." He told her, his gaze flicking down to her wrist for a moment, his worried eyes coming back up to stare into hers.

Tosh laughed and took his hand, pulling him down the street. "Don't worry you can personally keep an eye on me tonight."

Owen laughed and let her lead him, grinning at her next words.

"Come on Doctor Harper, we've got some time to make up for."

Ok thats it for this one, as always please R&R!


End file.
